Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Hope

Today I was able to sit by my dad's bed and keep him company for a few hours. I really enjoy every minute of it and I want to be there because I hope it shows him how much I love him. While we were there, a social worker came by to ask him how he was doing. My dad is a very gifted speaker and he is very articulate. He is always able to express himself in a way that makes you want to listen. He described how hard it is mentally to think about having a terminal disease. Your body is feeling so ill, but inside you want to fight. He said it is so different from something like the flu where you feel lousy, but you know it will end soon. This is different because there may not be an end to the physical sickness, and it starts to make you depressed. You are completely out of control in every area of your life. He did a way better job of explaining himself and I always enjoy listening to him. Then the social worker asked Katja and I how we were doing and we both smiled and said fine. I wasn't really feeling like talking to her much, but I love how my dad is so open about what he feels. He then told her about Dave and how the two of them were diagnosed 2 weeks apart, and she looked at me and said that is really hard, you are going through a lot, are you sure you are handling everything ok? I said yes, but tears came to my eyes and I couldn't stop myself from getting emotional. I started thinking on the drive home, what do I really think, and how am I handling it? I realized that the only way I am "handling" this is because I have a personal relationship with God, and He has given me faith to believe in Him and His Word. The Bible says that God is good and He only does good. He never promised us a totally happy life that is 100% free from suffering, but instead He is making us more like Himself through these trials. (James 1:2) This world is filled with lots of trials, but this life is only a speck on a timeline in comparison to the time we will spend with God in eternity if we are His children. Paul said, "For the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us." It breaks my heart to see all the sadness and suffering that I see at the hospital everytime I go, but I know that this world is not the end. I am sure I am a child of God and I know that I will be with him in heaven for eternity. I don't know if my dad will be healed, and I don't know if David will be healed, I want both. I just don't know what God's plans are. I do trust His character, and I do trust what he says will happen in the future. Romans 8:24 says, "For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is not seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, with perservance we eagerly wait for it. So, I am trying not to be anxious about tomorrow, and I am trusting that God is working all things for the good of those who love Him. He is all present, all powerful, and all knowing. I am glad He is in control and I know the end will be good, even if I don't completely understand the path there.

4 comments:

BygraceLucas said...

God is truly growing your family in faith, love and trusting Him in all things. We will continue to pray for everyone. We love you. Thank you for being such a godly example in the face of such a trial. You are causing the people to praise their Father in Heaven because of you.

Bob and Kimberlee Lucas

Richardsons said...

What a precious and amazing blog, Lauren. It is convicting and comforting. Please know you are all on our hearts and in our prayers without ceasing. May God continue to give you courage and confidence in Him.
Love,
Karen & family

Kristi said...

Lauren, I just got the link to your blog from Mattie...so I read it all and am just praising God for your words of truth. I know you are trusting in the Saviour. I didn't know all of this was going on. I guess Mattie didn't ever tell us..but now you will have a few more prayer warriors on your side. You blessed me today.
Kristi Barefoot

Mersch Family said...

Psalm 34:19 "Many are the afflictions of the righteous but the Lord delivers him out of them all." In the Lord's providence, this is the kids' memory verse this week. We can praise Him now for the deliverance He will bring about because we know it will be good and right, whatever it is. It amazes me how the Lord is holding you and speaking to your heart. Your entire family is on my mind constantly. As I pray for you, I praise the Lord for your response thus far, and ask Him to continue to give you the grace to trust Him and hope in Him even though you cannot see where He is taking you. You are a tremendous blessing to us and to your family.

Love,
Shannon